Who Am I?
While the enemy will try to convince you in the pride of life that you are someone important or that you have achieved some great things, it is a true blessing to be able to realize that you are absolutely nothing without God. Moses knew his own shortcomings;
Exodus 3:11 And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharoah, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?
Moses, who had become the meekest man who lived (Numbers 12:3), was so humble that he further argued with God of his own abilities: what will I say to the children, they will not hear, they will not believe, they will not hearken, I am slow of speech. Before Moses began to deny his own abilities, God had already told Moses all that he needed to know, Certainly I will be with thee (Exodus 3:12).
Early in his walk David is humble in asking Who am I? … that I should be son in law to the king? (I Samuel 18:18) But after the path of being chosen and exalted as king, king David still recognized who he was;
II Samuel 7:18 Then went king David in, and sat before the Lord, and he said, Who am I, O Lord God? and what is my house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?
If you will read through the rest of the chapter (II Samuel 7:19 – 29) you will find David’s recognition of who God is, but let us stay on topic of Who am I. Later, after David had prepared and given literally billions in today’s value for the building of the temple, the king still realizes that everything is of God;
I Chronicles 29:14 But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able to offer so willingly after this sort? for all things come of thee, and of thine own have we given thee.
From the sheep cote and killing the lion and bear; to the defeat of Goliath; through the warrior fame; through the defeat of all of his enemies; to the wealth to be able to give billions; king David still has the knowledge that it all was God’s, and came from Him. David had so fully sought God, that God would declare; David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will. (Acts 13:22) Can you seek the heart of God, and fulfil all my will?
While Job is not recorded as saying “Who am I?” note from his words that he realizes this same knowledge of God; … the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21) Though he slay me, yet will I trust him: (Job 13:15), and … I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food. (Job 23:12) Job’s life and his walk with God are so exemplary that he is listed by the word of the Lord in the three righteous, with Noah and Daniel, in Ezekiel 14.
The Apostle Paul also did not ask the specific question Who am I?, but look at how he recognizes who he was;
Romans 7:24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
II Corinthians 11:29 Who is weak, and I am not weak? who is offended, and I burn not?
Ephesians 3:8 Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ;
I Timothy 1:13 Who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.
Look also at how often he attributes his accomplishments to God:
I Corinthians 15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
Ephesians 3:7 Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of his power.
I Timothy 1:12 And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;
The Apostle did not have to ask Who am I? but knew who he was, noting O wretched man that I am, and less than the least of all saints, and a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious. This led him to fully know God as his enabler.
Each of the individuals we have discussed above were greatly blessed and used of God, but each had a path of trial that they went through to receive the blessings: Moses through the forty years after leaving Egypt, David in running from Saul to stay alive, Job in the loss of his children and everything he owned, Paul in much suffering for Jesus name’s sake. They each also knew their own frailties and nature, and did not in pride touch the glory of God. If you have a promise of God, do not let the enemy defeat you through the trials, to try to convince you that God did not promise. Know that God is allowing the trials to purge, and shape, and make you so that you will be able to stand in the blessings, know Him more, and proclaim to the world that He is God! As John the Baptist said, He must increase but I must decrease. (John 3:30) Can you ask, Who am I? My flesh, my thoughts, my heart, my emotions, my weight, my needs, my strength, and my abilities must all decrease that His knowledge, wisdom, faith, love, joy, peace, and all of the gifts and fruit of the Spirit may increase. We must learn to receive His choices for our lives, and stand therein. Are your choices carnal or spiritual?
As young Christians we had a pastor who failed in adultery with the church piano player, and lost all that he had. He was quoted as saying that he had God, and salvation, and heaven on one hand, and her on the other hand, and he chose her. This comment has stayed with me through the years, and weighed on my mind as the trials loomed. Will you allow God to have His perfect work in your life, or will you succumb to the trial or temptation?
Looking back through life, with my personal or fleshly choices would I have even married as I did? There were many doors that were closed by God that kept a heathen young man from another path. Barbara was a preacher’s kid running hard from God. She testified that she saw me in a night club and said, God, if you will give me someone like him I will serve you. I was then given such a love for Barbara in my understanding of love, that God might build in me His love. Barbara then testified that she later argued with God, I did not mean it had to be him, but someone like him. God did not leave her the option to vacillate, even when she tried to drive me away. In giving me to Barbara, he also gave unto me Brother and Sister Allmon as father-in-law and mother-in-law to begin establishing me in a walk I had never known.
As a young Christian there was a message and interpretation that God was going to bless me beyond my imagination, and in the natural we can only dream of what that could be. If it had been my choosing I would not have chosen spiritually. We in the physical can imagine that it is wealth, and we were sure that was the way, but we went through a business failure and seventeen years of court battles because it was not my path. Those financial things are things of nought, and that path could have stopped or prevented what God chooses.
When I was single I would look at families who were caring for a handicapped child and say I could never do that. In the physical I would never have expected or chosen that path. But God gave us Monica, and she has taught us to love, and broken, molded, and shaped us so that we could be refined to what God chooses. Monica has focused us on her life and on her needs, and not on what we would have chosen or purposed. I would never have chosen this way in the carnal.
I would not have had Barbara suffer through the illness, pass, and leave me. But God has used the time and circumstances since to show me things that I could not perceive or receive before, with the walls that I had in place. God has shown me the counterfeit love of the devil, lust. He has begun showing me the love of the Father, the true love of God, and what His cherishing of the body means. God has given a greater knowledge of what it means that Jesus is the Head of the body, and must be given the preeminence. God has shown me how grace has been working in my life when I did not even recognize it. Grace has kept me from a multitude of failures, even when I did not know that grace was working. In His love, He has shown me that His keeping grace is always extended, but must be received. In the carnal would I have ever sought the grace that has been extended and that has kept, provided for, led, and humbled me? Thank you Jesus for grace extended and grace received!
Would I have ever had Monica go through the four subsequent hospitalizations (54 total days) and the many needs she had? God used it to further break me and separate me from the world, and unto Him. He used it to remove and to decrease me, so that He might increase: and that I would see that there was no sufficiency in me, so I could find a greater reliance on Him. God showed me that I truly am as a turtle on a fence post, and began to pour in a greater depth of the Word, as the brokenness made it possible.
In my brokenness, and in the remaining carnality, I asked God that if He would not send Barbara back, to send a wife to help with Monica. He told me that Jacob had to wait for his bride, and as I was moaning that it had been seven years for Jacob, he told me that Jesus was still waiting for His bride. This brought a patience to wait on Him, and not seek to change what he purposed. Where is it better than to be waiting on God! His perfect will for you can be beyond your imagination!
In the physical need that Monica and I had, God ordered lives and truly sent Tammy Payne, an RN with great compassion of her own, and gave her a special love for Monica. He used Sister Tammy to stabilize and establish Monica in physical health, but also gave her, from her own testimony, such a personal revival and restoration to Him! As she has testified of her running from God, and of her prior personal failures, it can be seen that she who is forgiven much, loveth much. She has a great hunger and thirst for everything that God is giving her, and an amazing spiritual boldness and energy for God. She is receiving His grace and as she does, God is building her again in His love and compassion, establishing her in His Word, and using her mightily. God is ordering her steps, placing people in her path that she can reach and touch, and using her to change their lives, as he used her to so greatly change ours. And now He has promised her through His shepherd that He will greatly bless and multiply her! God will open her understanding and show her that His path is great, and good, and true, and perfect for her.
Children, do not fear what God is doing in your life to bring you to goodness, righteousness, and truth, For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth (Ephesians 5:9). Allow God to begin a perfect work in you, and do not fear, dread, or anticipate what the enemy might send. I Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. God will give grace to bring you to holiness, that you might see Him in everything. The perfect love of God is greater than fear;
I John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
God desires nothing but the best for you, and will bring it to pass if you will allow Him to;
James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
If you see anything imperfect, or feel fear, or confusion, or disillusionment in your life know that it did not come from God. Ask Him to open your eyes and ears that you will have spiritual hearing and sight to find His purpose and will for your life! Can you have a heart after God’s heart, and seek and find the place of humbleness in asking Who am I?